8 Steps to Confronting Someone

Marcianne Kuethen

Updated May 21, 2024

I will never forget the day I fought with a new friend of mine over a garage-sale pair of roller skates. I’d decided that this friendship was worth keeping. I was painfully honest with her. She returned the favor, and it defined the next 22 years of our satisfying friendship that continues to this day.

While confrontation in the workplace is something many of us prefer to avoid, it can actually become a positive event when handled properly. The key is to know how to do it right!

My friend Jeff chairs a business forum for Convene (www.convenenow.com), an organization that helps Christian CEOs and business leaders develop exceptional businesses. They use a tool, written by Dr. John Townsend, speaker and author, called “Creating a Culture of Growth through Effective Confrontation.”

Excerpted from that tool, here are 8 Steps to Effective Confrontation which you can use both at work and in your personal life:

1. Let them know I am “for” them.
2. State the problem.
3. Own my part.
4. Hear their side.
a. Deal with diversion (e.g., “Let me get back to…”).
5. Request specifically what I want.
6. Give consequences, if needed.
7. Reiterate that I am “for” them. (Grace leaves quickly.)
8. Check back in with them within 24 hours.

Happy confronting!

Marcianne Kuethen

Marcianne Kuethen is a Senior Writer at Amtec, where she has written over 700 blog posts in the past 18 years. Her family has led the company across three generations, from her father who founded Amtec in 1959 to her son Barrett who serves as President and CEO today. Outside of writing, she makes art, music, and gardens.